Tiny Wedding, But We Got Our Date...

So Much Has Happened, But We're Not Canceling... Yet

When the sales consultant lets you leave with your dress even though in spite of being the size you ordered, they can't zip it (December). . .

When your Mexico-resident aunt subtly accuses you of homophobia because she didn't look on the back of the save-the-date where you included your cousin and his partner (because you don't have their address/January)

When the invitation printing is a four-week process during which the printer moves office locations (February). . .

When you hurt your back hauling a set of dishes (bridal shower gift mailed to you) and then make it worse hauling more stuff from your bridal shower (February again)

When your future sister-in-law gets a huge tattoo on her shoulder that's gonna look interesting peeking out from the sleeve of the pretty dress  you all picked out together (yeah, February, 10th anniversary of her and Jay's dad's passing). . .

When the priest who was going to celebrate your wedding backs out via voicemail (yup, February!) . . .

When you're trying to sign a lease for your new apartment and you find out the leasing manager left (last week). . . 

When there's a virus shutting down your school for two weeks and you spent every day the week before listening to nothing but virus dread in the faculty lunchroom and wonder if people just won't come to the wedding (March). . .


Well, you try to do what you can.

You go back to the bridal shop and let the owner--who never, ever would've let you leave unhappy like that except she had been away--reassure you that while she can't get a new dress shipped (hello, factories shut down by virus), she knows an amazing seamstress who can fix it.  This week, I went for my second fitting and finally smiled when I put on the dress.

You reassure your aunt that everyone's going to be invited--and you email scanned versions of the invitation because UPS wants an outrageous amount of money and still can't guarantee they'd arrive intact.

You have invitation-assembly-parties/dates two nights this week and get the invitations out in the mail. Teamwork makes the dream work!

You follow the chiropractor's instructions to the letter and hide a back brace under your shirt.  I'm finally not hurting super badly every day.

You meet with the new pastor of the parish where you're getting married and assure him you're serious about this as you whip out all the necessary paperwork, to his surprise and relief.  (Still down to the wire--or is it?--filing with the archdiocese AND getting permission from the Eparchy of Passaic to go against the tradition of marrying in the groom's parish.)

You keep going back to the leasing office until someone gives you answers and a link to your new lease to sign.

You wipe your face after crying upon hearing first thing on your clock radio's news station that the CDC is recommending 8 weeks with no large gatherings and get out of bed anyway.  

You tell yourself that two weeks at home will be nothing but a gift of time.  Time to finish 600 report cards on a system you're using for the first time, and time to get ready for moving.

Time to get ready for your new lives together. Whenever that will be.

 

The Title of Maiden Aunt Soon No Longer Will Apply

Had to start a new blog, because almost a year after my last post, this happened:

How, you ask?  Well, make yourself a coffee or tea, and have yourself a nice sit-down to read. . .

January 2019: Family Christmas is canceled due to stomach bug at my parents'.  Married-With-Children Siblings' Christmas happens in place of it. . . excluding me, because they believed I was infected as well. And, you know, if you can't bring a kid there's no point to your presence, anyway.
I was crushed.  (For the record: never sick, either.)  Suffered one of the worst bouts of depression ever in my life for weeks.  I think if I hadn't forced myself to go back to rehearsal for the amateur opera company show, I would've stayed stuck in that hole, or worse.

February 2019: Counselor keeps encouraging me to "get back on the horse." I want to, only every dating site makes me prefer to die alone with cats than talk to creeps (example here).  The lovely Jen had mentioned moderate success with Coffee Meets Bagel, so I figured why not.  Only, I was nervous about starting in the month which contains the biggest love-related holiday of the year. I signed up on February 10, largely poaching from my masterpiece profile (created with the assistance of this fine guide and help from those closest to me) which had gotten me nothing on the previous site--other than compliments --from guys who didn't have the guts to say more than "Hey."  I'm pretty sure that I waited to go live with the profile for another week (kick in the pants from counselor).  So that was February 17.
February 18: Jay was sent as one of my "bagels" of the day and it turns out we both "liked" each other's profiles which makes a "match"--opening up a chat window. I hung back to see if he'd chat first.

And boy, did he ever! Four messages right off the bat, with responses to and questions about my profile.  He also was the big flatterer and said I had a very young face.  I figured I'd better start responding or he'd bury me in messages.
Me: "Hi! Um, that's a lot of questions--what do you want to know first?"
Him: "Sorry if I asked too many questions, you can answer any of them! Do you have any for me?"
Me: "Let's focus on a mutual topic and try to have some sort of convo ;)"

I don't know how that hooked him, but it did! He also explained that he was messaging really late because he worked 3rd shift at the time. More on that later in the timeline.

We had a phone chat that Friday night, and slated a night to meet for drinks the following week.  I had a moment of panic when I walked into the restaurant and saw a guy sitting there in sweatpants--just then my phone pinged with a text from him to tell me he'd be there in five. Whew.  Drinks wound up being dinner and lord knows how many more cups of coffee had he not needed to head into work.  And we were talking so much we didn't even really eat.

Before he started work, however, he texted me that he had a good time and he thought I was so beautiful, he would've kissed me (especially after I'd touched up my makeup in the ladies' after dinner) but wasn't sure if that was too forward!  I said with a smiley emoji that he played it just right. And then texted a screenshot to my work BFF who was my check-in so someone knew I wasn't kidnapped by a rando but wouldn't pressure me like a well-meaning family member.    

March 2019: Managed to develop a stye on my right lower eyelid right after Godson #2's second birthday party the first weekend of March. . . also managed to distract Jay from the remnants of it during our second date.  It was very cute the way he made a resolute exhale (like a "here goes") right before he kissed me.
On our third date, he invited me back to his place where he. . . showed me his bookshelves. (What were YOU thinking, you filthy-minded people!?)  I saw many of the Dragonlance novels I stole- I mean, borrowed from Older Brother all through my middle/high school years and often were my escape from a very harsh reality of bullying and anxiety.

April 2019: Jay tells me his dad proposed to his mom after four weeks of dating.  (He then admitted his mom said she'd pray about it and to give her some more time.)  I said my feeling was at least six months of dating AND he'd have to meet all the important people in my life.

May 2019: Very supportive of my insane schedule for the show's tech week and debut weekend in Philly. We couldn't see each other much and helped each other survive.

June 2019: "Meet the Parents." Show performance attended by both my parents AND Jay.  Along with two of my mom's sibs and two of my cousins on my dad's side.  Jay gives up his nicer seat in order to sit with my parents because they invited him.  GOOD MAN. 
He also was my arm candy for the formal that celebrates the end of our show season.  I was on the committee and he was very supportive of my venting about the craziness of putting the thing together. We had a blast.

August 2019: Weekend 1, before we head to his best friend's wife's surprise birthday party, Jay hands me a card featuring the "bluebirds of happiness" which is a motif among his immediate family and with the preface of "This isn't THE question, but kind of a related question" shows me his mom's engagement ring, which she had given to him with her blessing.  "Would it be all right if I used this?" That was my initial yes.

Weekend 2, Trip to Younger Sister's for Littlest Nephew's first birthday party.  Jay helps hang decorations, endures a grilling from my BIL (well-intentioned of course), and becomes Godson #2's best bud when they bond doing arts & crafts with leftover construction vehicle stickers i.e. Godson excitedly and authoritatively tells Jay what kind of truck it is and Jay pulls the backing off so Godson can stick it on the work in progress LOL.  

That visit completed his meeting of my important people. We went to my hometown jeweler after mass for the feast of the Assumption and talked about re-mounting the diamond for my hand.  I'm left with the impression that THE question isn't going to happen until closer to my birthday in October and I'm cool with that.
At the end of August, his best friend whom he's known since middle school suffers the unexpected loss of his mom. Jay is an amazing support to what is basically his second family but also is reliving a bit of burying his own father several years ago.  We weather it together.

September 7, 2019: Vacation weekend in Avalon, NJ, where I am meeting Jay's aunt and many of his cousins.  We go to the beach and walk the boardwalk, play skee-ball at the arcade, have dinner with the cousins.  After dinner, he says he wants to go back to the arcade because skee-ball is half-price and there's a prize he had his eye on.  The sun is just about done setting when we're halfway to the arcade and he says, "Oh, I remembered it's not until later--wanna sit down somewhere for a bit?" So we go just past the crowd at the rec center lawn where a jazz band is jamming, head down one of the beach entrances only you can only hear the waves because it's dark but it's still kinda nice.
Me: "So--good day today? Feeling pretty good?" I knew it had been rough lately because of the funeral.
Him: "I'm feeling a little nervous actually."
Me: "Nervous? Why?"
Him: "Because I don't know if I can say everything I need to say"--I look up and he's down on one knee.  My brain is going WHAT IS HE DOING!? WHAT IS HE DOING!?  Even though I know what he's doing!
BTW the jazz band was covering this song in the background. I know, I can't help noticing what's going on around me, it's how I'm wired.  We sat there for quite a while, not really saying much but just basking in it all.

And yes, we did go to the arcade after that.  Although we first sat on a bench outside for a few minutes, holding hands.  An older lady walked by and whispered, "Awww, sweet."  I can tell you for a fact she was a nun, no question.  I've been taught by enough of them and had two great-aunts in the convent.  The haircut and shoes gave it away.  Therefore, I consider our engagement spiritually endorsed, hee hee.

Back at his cousins' beach house, we were toasted with blueberry bunting and attempted to make phone calls to immediate family.  It was a joyous evening.

SIDE NOTE:
My dad almost blows the whole thing in a text that morning: "Have a nice time at the shore and when you're ready be sure to tell Mom."  Luckily I'm completely clueless and laugh it off. "Ha, he thinks you're proposing this weekend." Jay laughs, too.
Later, I asked him why he picked that weekend when we'd talked about October, and he said, "You know, being at the funeral, I just had decided enough bad things had happened and I needed to take action."  WOW.


I'm pretty sure my parents were a little stunned by the timing, but it's a good thing they really, really like him :)  

Only a couple of days later, right after we had our celebratory dinner, Jay's work laid him off.  We weathered that, too, and I'm grateful my parents were very kind and sympathetic about it.  He's been at the new job since the end of October--another weird schedule right now of being on 4 days including the weekend, so we can't see each other much of the week.  It's rough being apart so much, but we bear it the best we can.  He really is my Everything Bagel and I'm his perfect cup of coffee.

I've already had a couple of planning meltdowns where I just thought, "I want to get married but this wedding stuff is insane."  Generally, though, most things have gone well and many of the vendors are nice, normal people and it doesn't seem like phony I-want-your-money niceness, either.  Hopeful that I've gotten those meltdowns out of the way and just trying to enjoy the process as much as I can, following the advice of one of my coworkers at school who was married in July.  "Enjoy it because it goes by so fast." 

I agree, April will be here before we know it!